out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
