i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
