That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
time to smoke my breakfast
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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