My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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