Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
