NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
tell me about the fingering
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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