??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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