So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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