He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
