his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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