Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
