I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
