I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
