your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
