I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
