the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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