My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
