i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
