i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
