Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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