I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
