Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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