You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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