Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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