how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
