dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
