I wish I could punch you in the face.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
