This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
