This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
