Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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