even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
