Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
