You're so nebulous sometimes
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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