My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
