dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
