I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
