i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
