THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
