There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
