I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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