Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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