I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
