I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
