Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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