Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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