i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
