He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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