Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ok first of all what the fuck
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
