if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
