why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
