He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
